Friday, November 04, 2005

Fortune cookie says...

It's payday... my paycheck was already pretty much spent before I even got it this morning. I have to reserve some money for a Panda Express lunch, that's a given. And in my fortune cookie this time was this fortune:


Who gets paid to sit around and write this kind of fluffy crap? Natural grace? Yeah right, like a medical cutting laser... my idea of grace is getting in and out of the supermarket in 10 minutes or less without breaking a sweat using a predetermined shopping list of necessary items. Or how about the grace of silent flatulation in public spaces? I suppose that falls under my "great consideration for others" as well. Yeah, because that attribute shows up well as I'm yelling at stupid drivers on the way home, and that's a topic for another blog entry entirely.

Someone probably already came up with this idea, but we need fortune cookies for geeks, gamers, and other stuff like that. Chinese restaurants should have fortune cookie vending machines by the exits (they would make a killing on these), with the different styles of fortunes in different machines. Maybe even have sponsored weblinks printed on the back of each one. I have some ideas to get things started:

    Geek Fortune Cookies
    "Your skills at FORTRAN programming are outdated. Learn a new, recent language this weekend."
    "It doesn't matter how good you are in Counterstrike and Halo, there is always someone better."
    "There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't."
    "Be generous. Give your less-fortunate friends your old parts when you upgrade."
    "Just because your 19'' LCD monitor is sleek and sexy doesn't mean you are."
    Miscellaneous Fortunes
    "Spread the joy, share unlicensed anime fansubs with friends."
    "In today's society, money talks. How loud are you?"
    "Master of the Force, you are not."
    "You can always find happiness at work on Friday."
    "When life knocks you down, kick it in the nuts then point and laugh."
    "You are not a cynic, you are a realist."


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