Sunday, August 07, 2005

Interpretations (continuing from previous post)

I must say that today was the most productive I have ever been at work, which will definitely make my stats look nice this week. Ever since the vision last night, I have had two tracks off of Dishwalla's Opaline running through my head: When Morning Comes and Candleburn. (If you own the DVD-A or DualDisc version of the album, you know how emotional these songs are to JR.) I finally managed to get them out of my head by listening to the album a total of about three times today, followed by some Staind and Tool while at work. Of course I am playing the album again for the fourth time now as I write this....

there's so much life here
and so much pain - we forget
there's so much life
as morning comes
and it's real - the silence

From When Morning Comes, by Dishwalla

Anyway, what disturbs me the most is that I have no way of knowing if what I experienced has really happened. I have no working phone numbers anymore for him or anyone else that would know how to get a hold of him. Even if I did, what would I ask? "Hey, did you OD on heroin like in my psychic vision?" I need to take a trip back home to find out what's going on. We had been the best of friends since about the seventh grade until I moved out of town when I was 21. Having dabbled in minor drug use before I left Texas, his habit had turned into something more frequent and harder by the time I had returned a few years later. It's hard to see someone you cared so much about do something like this to themself. I brought it up, but as expected the "oh, it's not really a problem" excuse came out of him like a genuine junkie in denial. Sadly on the trip after that, on the way to visit my family I drove down a cross street next to his house, saw him out in front on the phone, and I simply drove on by without stopping. I was so disappointed to find out how far backward he had gone that I didn't want to visit him anymore.

take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when I'm gone
will they burn for me

From Candleburn, by Dishwalla

As much as I refuse to acknowledge it, many people have pointed out that I have a certain impact on people. Those around me sincerely value my help, opinions, and company. It sounds like bragging and self-centered talk, which may be part of the reason I try to deny it when someone says it to me. I'm afraid I may have had such a significant impact on his life that this was a simple way out after I had left. In a way I feel guilty because we were so close that it was my job to stop him from getting that far down, but I didn't and couldn't. If what I saw has already happened, it is too late now to do anything. I hope for his sake, it isn't.

I already told you that falling is easy
its getting back up that becomes the problem
becomes the problem
if you don't believe you can find a way out you become the problem
become the problem

From Falling, by Staind

There's also the distinct possibility that it was nothing but a dream. As I said before, I remember nothing between when I started moving my astral body and when I looked down to find that sickening image playing before my eyes. I may have passed out and moved on to the dreamscape and my subconcious mind was trying to get a message across to me. I haven't really had any solid friends since I've moved, and those that had become friends have either moved out of town or we have simply drifted apart. Even the woman that I married and was to be my best friend for the rest of my life is now gone from my home, we just have not had the money to file the paperwork and make it official yet. Perhaps my subconcious realized this and is trying to tell me to move on and open up to new friendships and relationships. What better way to tell me this than to shock me with a startling image of my former best friend? The drug use may just be symbolic of how I need company of others, the "high" being the warm feeling of friendship and belonging.

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

From Right Here, by Staind

The third and final possibility, is that it is a prophetic dream. Based on past experiences, this could be quite likely. I've never had a foreshadowing dream so specific before, but my dreams do often foretell of future events or remind me of the lessons of the past. Many people discount dreams as just the mind idly at play while we are sleeping, but I believe otherwise.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more and
beckons me to look thru to these infinite possibilities.
as below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

From Lateralus, by Tool

Whatever it was, only time will tell what the real lesson or message of the vision was. The best I can do for now is to learn from the images and keep moving forward in life.

But I made my decision with my back to the wall
and I gotta move on from here
I've done all that I can do
yeah I gotta move on from here
I've been swimming upstream for you

From Swimming Upstream, by Ra


At 8/13/2005 9:49 AM, Blogger CrimsonStar said...

I get the feeling that it could be either a warning for you or a pre-cog dream, like if something doesn't change in his life that is what is going to happen. I don't know if you would have a strong enough connection with him to be there astrally as he shot up. but I only know from what i have read on your blog. *shrugs* i dunno.


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