When is a holiday not a holiday?

How's that for a riddle? Now seriously, whatever happened to the ideal of a relaxing holiday that Hollywood sold us in movies and television? Relaxing in the backyard with a book and lemonade in a hammock... then, of course, the sprinklers would turn on, or any number of other horrible things would happen, especially if the movie starred Chevy Chase. Oh right, the idea of a nice holiday or vacation is a myth... that's what Hollywood sold us.

So why is it that every kid in the neighborhood has to have their three dozen family and friends visiting today, amassing in the parking lot like an army of oversized ants? Why did I get a rude awakening this morning before 8AM by some idiot with an overzealous love for bass cruising through our parking lot? And why does he keep coming by again and again, not causing any problems until he pulls into our parking lot and cranks it up intentionally? And why do I keep getting spam messages from porn sites on MySpace today? (It would be slightly more believeable if it weren't from the same person cut-and-paste multiple times.)

All I want is a nice relaxing day at home, catch up on some anime or television and play with the kids a bit, but it seems that relaxing is going to take some serious work today. Maybe I'm just getting old and grumpy--in fact, I think that when I grow up, I want to become a crotchety old fart and yell at the neighborhood kids for riding their bikes across my lawn. I can dream, can't I?