Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Three weeks later

It's now been three weeks since we had to say goodbye forever to Feydra in the hospital. It's been rough. Every night I lay down to sleep I see her face and my brain can't help but run through the scenarios over and over trying to figure out what could have been done differently to save her. When I wake in the morning, she is the first thing that comes to mind and I have to try and put it aside and remember that I no longer need to go in the nursery to get two little girls out of bed for breakfast, but rather only one now. One car seat is in the back of the car, one stroller sits ready by the door, one set of spare clothes gets packed in the diaper bag, one little hand needs holding when crossing the street, one children's plate gets prepared for dinner... but two little girls still remain in my heart. I still come across her clothes and toys frequently at home, unsure of what to do with them now. I still keep a picture of her at my desk at work, on my profile at MySpace, and around the apartment as well. It's difficult to lose a loved one, even moreso when it's one born of your own flesh and blood that you are solely responsible for. It's been difficult because I know that I need to get back to living a normal life, but I can't--and I don't--want to forget her and that's preventing me from going back to a completely normal life. It's all about the baby steps, taking things one little step at a time, living life one minute to the next, adjusting and finally coming to terms with what has happened, and moving on without leaving her memory behind. Let this strengthen me and make me a better person and a better father, for nothing happens in life by sheer coincidence. I will never forget her, she will forever be my guide in love for my family and my strength in life against insurmountable odds.


At 5/31/2006 8:44 PM, Anonymous Cousin Jacklee said...

I was compleatly unprepared to read this.
Tears Immeadeatly came to my eyes.

I cannot express the emotions that come to my mind other than the above.

Thanks Dan for shareing your thoughts.

My Love to all of you,
Cousin Jacklee


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